Blended, Not Shaken

Blended Families: Finding Beauty in the Messiness

• Michele • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Family is messy. Family is complex. And blended families? They add layers of complexity that can sometimes leave us feeling isolated in our experiences. But what if we could gather around a table and simply share our stories?

That's the heart behind Blended, not Shaken. As someone raised in a sprawling blended family (the oldest of nine half-siblings with a 29-year age gap to my youngest brother!), I've experienced firsthand how these unique family structures shape us. Far from being "broken," our evolving family units are filled with beauty, challenges, and unexpected gifts that deserve to be celebrated rather than stigmatized.

This podcast creates space for the diverse voices within blended families; from stepparents navigating their new roles to children shuttling between households, from grieving widows building new lives to foster parents expanding their hearts. We'll hear from single parents, remarried couples, half-siblings, grandparents, and even those dating into established family units. Each perspective offers a window into the human experience of belonging, and sometimes not belonging, to the people we call family.

My hope is that these conversations serve as a reminder that you're not alone in your complex family journey. Whether your blended family is new territory or all you've ever known, there's power in sharing our stories. As we listen to each other with open hearts and minds, perhaps we'll all find a bit more grace for the beautiful mess of family life. A life that may occasionally be stirred by change but is never truly shaken to its core.

Join us at the Blended Family Table. Your story matters here.

Michele:

Welcome to the first episode of Blended, not Shaken, a podcast that is about the stories and perspectives of everyone in blended families. Blended families used to be taboo. Now they're a little more common, but they're still messy, complex, imperfect, and there's a lot of beauty in that. I'm your host, Michele Kotte. I am part of a beautiful blended family. I want to share with you why I felt a podcast like this could be a way to connect. I really love bringing people together, and I am part of a beautiful blended family. I felt like sometimes we can feel like all of the complexities that actually make us a blended family also felt unrelatable at times, a little isolating, a mix of emotions that can sometimes feel difficult to process internally or with the people in our blended family. So I thought what better way than to share stories of blended families from the different perspectives of those blended families, to not feel so alone, to feel a little seen, and to take a chance to listen and maybe learn a new perspective. I'm looking forward to this podcast being stories shared by families who are separated, divorced, grieving, widowed parents, and parents who foster and adopt. Families blended with different faith or belief systems. Perspectives from the adults: the parents, the grandparents, the in-laws, those dating into a blended family, new blended families, families where blended is the norm. Perspectives from the children: siblings, half-siblings, the step-siblings. Stories from our chosen family. Single dads and their experiences. Single moms and their experiences. Remarrying. Sharing stories that are fun and joyful, and memorable. The stories and perspectives that are challenging and hard, and that we are currently processing.

Michele:

However you show up to listen to this podcast, if you're new to a blended family or blended family is all you know. If you have a big family or a small family, your role may be the parent, the child step-parent the , the new partner, the sibling, the grandparent, the support friend, a member of a chosen family. We're human and bringing us together into a family. You are certainly going to come across a range of feelings and complex relationships. We often times would sit at this big family dining table in my grandparents' home and have coffee and just listen and share stories, catch up on old stories, new stories of the day. That's the image that comes to mind in these conversations ahead. I wanted to hold space around the table for stories to be shared, and maybe from that we feel less alone. We can relate, we embrace the messiness of blended families. We feel a little hope, reinvigorated, or that we can sit in these messy feelings safely.

Michele:

A few things are really important to me in every episode. Family dynamics are not black and white. This is not a podcast where I tell you what to do or give a prescription for a perfect family. An open mind while you listen is so important. Each episode, as I listen to the stories and experiences from my guests, I look to listen to their perspective and ask myself what is there for me to learn or see differently? This whole time of being in my family, all I've known is my experience. I'm curious to know yours.

Michele:

With each episode of this podcast, I hope to bring in people who have different roles within different types of families, different stories, different experiences. Listening to those stories, I find a lot of beauty in the complexities, in that messiness, we begin to define what love looks like and how it's experienced in these families. These families are changing and evolving. They are not perfect and that's okay. How do we embrace the mess?

Michele:

When I was writing about this podcast, I was reflecting on messages we hear often. I always had heard growing up that family is number one. Family comes first and while that is true for so many, there are also so many who struggle with loving our family members. Some people have stories where they feel like an outcast or unwanted in their family. Some stories are about broken relationships, disregard, not feeling like you even have a family. Again, I think by sharing these stories and experiences and maybe it's something you can relate to you can feel a little less alone, maybe even a little more loved in knowing there is beauty still to come in these imperfect family relationships.

Michele:

Families change a lot. They can feel like they break us, like they shake us up. So often we equate change with a negative feeling and when our family dynamics change, or our family members or, let's be honest, sometimes, when we ourselves change, sometimes we feel embarrassed or like something is wrong with us because our family is, quote-unquote, broken Ugh, I do not like that word broken in terms of families or people, because it's not. It's not broken, it's changed. How do we embrace that change? Maybe it's a new home, a new partner, a new step-parent, a new half-sibling, a new in-law, a new member added to our friend or community family. All of these are usually unexpected changes. I'm here to encourage myself even to embrace that change, that evolution. My family has changed a lot over time. Let me share about my blended family's evolution.

Michele:

I am the oldest of nine kids. Yes, nine kids. None of my siblings are whole siblings. However, some of my siblings are biological whole siblings to each other. It's crazy, right, and get this my youngest half-brother and I have a 29-year age difference.

Michele:

My biological dad and my biological mom divorced shortly after I was born. I was young, I don't remember it. They both remarried. My mom remarried my stepfather and had my half-sister. My biological dad remarried a fewfather and had my half sister. My biological dad remarried a few more times and through those marriages I became the sister to five brothers and two more sisters.

Michele:

My biological dad, who I call dad, and my stepfather, who I also call dad, along with my mom and stepmom, all co-parented. Amazingly, in my opinion, they did co -parenting right before it was even a popular term For me. If there was ever issues between the parents, they didn't ever make it about me. I was lucky in that regard and I'm also highly aware that not everyone has that similar shared experience, even within my own family. This is just my experience. My aunts, my uncles, grandparents, cousins, parents of my friends were all staples in my upbringing and truly represented how it takes a village to raise a child. I was a child of divorced parents, and so every other weekend was going between a different parent's home. I got to celebrate multiple holidays, birthdays. I had four times the amount of cousins, of which many of them are like additional brothers and sisters to me.

Michele:

So my family is quite, quite large. My mom is one of nine siblings, my dad is one of nine siblings, my stepdad is one of seven siblings and my stepmom is one of five siblings. It is massive. I know this. If I could show you an org chart through audio, I would. My family is still evolving. I have two sisters-in-law, one brother-in-law, nine nieces and nephews and no doubt more to come.

Michele:

It's massive, it's messy, it's not perfect, not even close. It's complex. It can seem like a lot to some people. It can seem like an ideal dream to others. We have a lot of funny stories, we have arguments, we have times when we like each other and times where we really don't like each other.

Michele:

Any of this sound familiar? Here's the thing. I don't want to use the podcast to tell you how to navigate a blended family. I don't have all of the answers. I'm not a therapist or an expert. I'll definitely have some of my family members here on future episodes to share some perspectives and stories and when I do I'll try to use common terms such as stepfather, half-brother, half-sister, etc. But, to be honest, I don't use those labels on a daily basis within my family dynamic, which is unique to me, to us. It's not how your family has to do it or define it. So I definitely will encourage that, as you listen even to how others share their stories and use their labels, know that those labels are unique to them. You get to still define and call people in your family as what works for you.

Michele:

But this isn't a podcast just about me and my blended family. This is a passion project for me. Let's be real and vulnerable for a second. I've wanted to do this podcast for a couple of years now. I've also avoided it for a couple of years now. I have been so scared, even though it's just me listening to some amazing families. These conversations are going to be real, raw, vulnerable and I've thought who am I to be hosting a podcast? But I'm also really curious about the experiences of everyone else going through a messy, complex, ever-evolving family.

Michele:

I couldn't turn the idea off in my heart or my head. So I taught myself Podcast 101. I talked with some friends who supported the vision. I recruited a couple initial interviews. I talked and daydreamed some more. I realized I was definitely talking about it but not putting action behind it. So here I am launching this passion project. It's a little messy right now. I'm scared, uncertain of what you will think when you listen, learning as I go and create. So as we listen to the stories, ask the hard questions, laugh and get real about blended families. Let's all learn as we go. I hope that there is something that you can connect with and that you walk away from an episode feeling reinvigorated, hopeful, heard, not alone, not shaken. I'm listening to the stories with you. I'm also ready to listen to you and your story. Join me at the Blended Family Table, here on the podcast Blended, not Shaken.